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Phone Sex Mad Lib

You answer your mobile phone and you are pleasantly surprised to hear Snooki’s voice.

“Hi Dickwad,” says Snooki. “What are you doing?”

“I’m pooping,” you reply. “But it’s making my perineum sweaty.”

“What are you wearing?” asks Snooki.

“My Snow White costume,” you reply. “Why do you want to know?”

“I want to rip off your Snow White costume, Dickwad!” says Snooki lustfully. “I want to rip off your Snow White costume and grab your sweaty perineum!”

“But Snooki, I’m in the middle of pooping,” you protest.

“I don’t care if you’re fucking pooping!” cries Snooki. “I’m horny as hell and I can’t stop thinking about your sweaty perineum! Get your perineum over here!”

This is an offer too good to refuse. “Sounds good, Snooki” you reply. “Where are you?”

“I’m in the White House, Dickwad. Do you want to know what I’m doing in the White House?”

“Okay…”

“I’ve got a cheese grater and I’m sticking it in my right nostril. I’m shoving it as far as it will go.”

“You’re doing that in the White House?” you reply incredulously, imagining Snooki’s right nostril stuffed with a cheese grater. “I’ll be right there…” you cry in excitement.

“Wait Dickwad,” shouts Snooki, sounding panicked. “I can’t get it out. Every time I try to pull the cheese grater out of my right nostril, it gets sucked back in again!”

“Have you tried twisting it?” you suggest.

“Unngh,” grunts Snooki. “It’s no good, I can’t get it out!”

“I’m on my way,” you shout. “Is there anyone there who can help you?”

“Wow Dickwad, you’re not going to believe this, but Tom Cruise just walked in! Hey Tom Cruise, can you give me a hand with this cheese grater?”

There’s a lot of grunting and groaning on the other end of the phone as Tom Cruise tries to extract the cheese grater from Snooki’s right nostril.

“What’s going on?” you ask anxiously.

“Tom Cruise is fucking my right nostril with the cheese grater, Dickwad. It’s going in and out, faster and faster. Oh my God, I think I’m going to cum! Oh God, Dickwad, I’m cumming!”

You close your eyes, imagining Tom Cruise pounding Snooki’s right nostril with the cheese grater in the White House. You can’t hold back and your orgasm explodes, saturating your Snow White costume.

“Wow Snooki, that was awesome,” you finally pant into the phone. “I’ll be there soon. Stay right there.”

“No need, Dickwad,” replies Snooki. “Tom Cruise managed to get the cheese grater out of my right nostril. We’re leaving to find a bigger one. Talk later. Bye.”

“Oh pickle my kippers!” you exclaim, standing there sadly in your wet Snow White costume. It’s back to pooping for you.

The End


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